accountable freedom

I know that I have just posted but I have something else that I wanted to share with you folks that are bored enough to read my ramblings
if you know me you will know that I love clothes I like to spend money well you are wrong
I was caught in this endless cycle of guity enery sapping nothingness
I thought that if I looked the way that I thought that people thought that I should then it woulfd be ok
the truth of the matter is I was in this cycle of having too much choice and too much resources to expand the choices in my life and it sent me into a massive panic all of the time and you know when you are driving and someone keeps their lights on beam you panic coz you can not see well that was me and money and pocessions and I was screaming turn off the lights so that i could see
I did not want to be bamboozled by teh bright city lights but I was so dazzled that i could not step out of the headlights
well now I have been rescued and life is so much easier
I look balkc to the begining to the summer when I moved into promise I was in this constant panic all of the time to teh extend that i was so unsure of my self that i would ahve to change my clothes many times before I could even come out of my room in the morning I was in such a desperate stress an th more i was in this stress the more I had to spend and the bigger the choice got and th worse it got
any wya I was able to come clean about ti with a dear friend and now I do not hold my finacees
and i discuss what I need to do and the bills that i need to pay and to be honest it is really like dropping the mill stone that was dragging me down and it is beutiful and lovely and I am so much more free in my life space and head capacity to get on with the things tht matter that is building zion
I love the life that i am living and i would not have it any other way

when you think about nothing

I was thinking the other day and realised just how much time I think about nothing.
I know that sounds crazy, But I am realising that nothing is ever silent.
If you manage to find somewhere that you think is silent listen and you will hear somehing weather it is the wind or the beating of your own heart, or it might be a creak or a sqeek but we live in a world that is totally filled with sound.
You may be wondering what has brought me to this place of thinking about this. Well some of you will know that I have reduced hearing well I now only have 20% natural hearing and I am very reliant now on the two digital hearing aids that I have been blessed to receive, well one day last week I lost the hearing comepletely even with the aids in one of my ears, to say that I was freaked out was a bit of an understatement, But it is funnty how other senses seem to over compensate when you lose one. Any way A senoir leader prayed and the next day my hearing was restored back to where it had been the day before I still beleive that God will one day restore it fully but I be;leive that i have learnign curve to negoitae first.
any way in all of this I realised that no matter how much I think I realised that so much of my thinking is taken up with nothing so many times folks have said what did you think about today and I do not have a clue yet I realise that my mind like my workd is never still I ahve this capacity to fill my mind and my space with nothing so much of my life seems to drift past me.
so i was thinking that God has a plan for my nothing ness so I am going on a nothingness fast
when I realise that I am in nothing land i am going to be active and put my willl and spirit into action
it is going to be a bit like an atlete training for a race I know that it is not going to happen over night but I know that passivity drains the mind and soul and it is one of the devils pots to render me inaffective as a christian
so if you see me drifting off into nothing land please remind me I am in training
I will reach the finish line and I will receive the goal that God has set out for me I will be an affective sister and bring glory to the king that is worthy of what ever small offering I ma able to bring and lay at his feet
thanks for reading my random ramblings

pain people inflict!!!!

I was thinking to myself how many of us really think about how our word/actins affect others
I know that I only really think about how others hurt me or how I see unfairness toward others
I never really understand people to much and I know that I rarely think about why a person acts or reacts in a certain manner.
I know that I am all to erady to defend my own actions and I am al too ready to say well i do this becasue of what happened x number of times or years ago to me.
But this weekend I was reminded in a massive way that we are new creation beings the old has died and we are or should be living new creation.
I have watch my daughter becoming transformed over this summer and she challenges me on my excuses all of the time.
She has stepped well more like run out of the darkness of damage and pain that she had inflicted on her or took on herself and has lept into being new creation and living very much in the light of healing.
I know that I hvae so much to learn from the simplicity that she sees
Having said all of the above it is not always so simple to live it out (in my humble opinion) or is that a cope out I will let you decide
I know that I am challenged to see God more clearly and to allow his love/lite and healing to move deeper into my
How easy ti is for us to become ineffective as christians by what has happened in the past that we choose to drag into our future.
I know all too well how easy it is for me to get into my head and to find every excuse not to move in my new creations erbirth and that is where my brothers and sisters around me challenge me
I kow with some of the stuff that I have been encountering recently I would have not coped in the past I would have slipped out of the healing that God has blessed me with and moved in to the old darkenss which for me was depression
because of the family God has surrounded me with I can move in the light of his healing and I can continue to be effective and build the kingdom today and not sit around proclaiming we are in the end times and life is doomed so why bother
this is all a bit random but I hope that you can sort of gleen something from it
no matte how dark things have been in the past no matter what the pain today you are a new creation and you can live in it with the help of your brothers/sister
I know that they are the hands that stop me from falling
I would not have it any other way

I stopped

hi folks
A few posts back I was stressing about how I was not coping with how to safetly bring up my children I am sure that it is every parents worst fears
Any way I stopped stressing and guess what God stepped in
When I realised that i was stopping God from getting in by doing it all I stepped back with many struggles and handed my daughter over to her Father and guess what he meet her big style
She was baptised in the spirit and she is getting baptised in water in a couple of weeks So you wanna come see my beautiful daughter die get healed and raised again well it will be at coventry Jesus center on sunday 24 september at 6 pm
she wants to see God move in power and lives changed other than her own
he eldest brother who is so not in God is coming andf he is bring his lady and his other band mambers what a miracle thanks God
if you know wharer sarah pure or fealess are drag em along coz her heart aches to see you back in the fold
it is fantastic coz my daughter and I are lvoing each other in a new freedom and we talk now and we share our hearts it is wonderful
ah yeah and my youngest is off to high school tomorrrow
no more little uns as they keep reminding me
and as i keep telling em they will always be my babies

summer over winds of autumn signal changes

well we have been living at promise all summer and I guess it is time to reflect
TIme has vanished and there is an air of sadness and excitment in my heart.
Things are very much changing as we embark on a closer walk as disciples
we will be at promise 5 nights a week as we gear up for life in christian community but there is still much preparaton to do. I know that there are areas in my life that I need to surrender. I guess that we have very much been through a honeymoon time over the summer becasue I knew that we could run home if the fire got too hot But I do not feel that I was over challenged during this summer but i am sure that there will be times when i feel the need to react
But I know that as we move through the winter months I am sure that folks will cross my flesh and I am sure that it will cause reactions in me but I know that it is about eternity i am building for the futre and nopt for today
I have longed and craved accountablity and it is begining o happen finaly
I my heart is craving transparency I do not any longer want to be hiding in the shadows any longer I have spent to much of my life hiding in the shadows of my sin and now it is time for Gods light to shine and to live a life that is open and accountable
and I know that my brethren will help me to acheive this
I want to see the kingdom shining out
yesterday I was at a friends house back in Mlavern I had recently added her name to our mailing list she was one of the folks I was not too sure how she was going to react to beging sent our magazine but I decided that if she did not want it she could let me know
any way she was sooooo grateful and was thrilled when i told her that she would get one every quater
so go on be brave go through your adress book you never know how they will rteact untill they receive one
building the kingdom is not about popularity it is about eternity