balancing the change

We as a family are entering new territory. for the last 21yrs i have spent my summer charging around to get uniform shoes pens ect, My youngest has left school this year, and i have to be honest feel totally out of my depth.

Both my oldest sons had moved out of home and were working full time by the time they were at the point of my youngest.

Now i am struggling to know how much rope and freedom do i give him, and to a degree struggling with what is appropriate behavior.

Today some one commented that some of his behavior had become unruly. Everything inside me is reacting, as that was never a label that anyone would have put on him, yes we had the odd standoff and he larked about a bit nothing serious in fact i counted my self very well blessed he does not smoke or swear or any of the things that most people would expect from most 16yr old boys.

But he has meet a lad older than him who has had a disruptive past and can be a bit loud and reckless (Do not get me wrong i really like the lad and he is tr ying to change he has a teachable heart) but i really do not like the way that my son has been over the last few weeks since meeting this lad.

A couple of weeks ago my son made me as proud as any parent could be and he decided to get baptized (this is a vital discussion in his own personal spiritual walk)

In our church each person has someone that helps them give them goals we call them shepherds it is a vital relationship to have i know that i would struggle with out my shepherd.

so my struggle is finding a happy middle of ground of how much do i involve myself in my sons life and how much do I trust the brethren who have time after time been there for him and steered him on to solid ground. My son does not have a relationship with his dad so the men of our church have been vital in my sons growing up helping him to grow up to be a real man, and be able to make choices

I am emotionally torn that my youngest is no longer at school but i do not know how much freedom to give him or how much to trust that God has placed people in his life that are going to take him on his next chapter of his life.

moving in grace

the are are times in your life that you feel that yo do not have strength to revisit, there are many different reason why we suppress are memories.

I have spend most of my adult life trying to block out stuff that i choose not to remember.

I am beginning to see how God has held me through my childhood and now in my adult hood.

There are times when i have been so exhausted by holding on to my past, not allowing God in too scared to go back into those spaces that i have lock things into. Holding on to this has slowly been destroying me at times taking me very close to death.

If i gave in and fully given in to the power that the past in I would have been accepting that God does not have the power that I know and believe and submited to the devil.

As we give our memories over to the great and awesome creator he and only he can heal the areas that noone can reach Jesus was approached by a Leper in these verses who said that if Jesus was willing to heal him, Jesus could make him clean. Jesus replied, I am willing, and proceeded to heal the man.

Even though this referred to a out ward healing God does not just heal what people can see on the outside but he heals the stuff that we can not see the stuff that causes us to be emotional lepers.

We do not deserve this in fact we deserve nothing but god gives abundantly to us by grace that we do not deserve but because he is our father he chooses by grace to love us and it is only by grace that we can enter in to his presence

Romans 3:24
and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.

so in confidence under his grace and under the covering of the blood i can approach God and he will not view me as the emotional crippled person that life has made me but he will view me as his daughter whole and complete.

I can enter in to his glories presence in the full assurance of faith as a whole free person and when i am in his presence all the rubbish that has been inflicted on me by life and people just falls away it is just me and God my Father and I can climb in to his arms and the true meaning of a Fathers heart becomes magical and real