well!!!! I am there the deed is done

Hi Folks
Just to update you on my walk in to freeing myself from the world
On monday I spent all morning tranferring money/bank accounts and stuff so I no longer have any money Praise God......
I know that this is where the battle begins... I am under no ellusions that it is going to be easy.... I have been my own boss for all my life controlled things in the world of Dee.
But now I am giving up house and home for the Kingdom.
I have given notice to my Landlord and have 4 weekes to wind up the proprty before I hand it back on the 1st of January 2007.

And next tuesday I have my long awaited Date with the ever popular peter foster ( for those that do not know what that means he is a driving trainer that assess outr ablity to drive saftely and teaches us to think ahead and stuff and if he says I am not safe I can not dive a fleet car)
I ahve always said that this would be my stumbling block I hope that all goes well but it is down to God and I just have to trust that all is going to be ok and I will do my best to be humble.

So I have arrived 6 months ahead of schedule And now the adventure really does begin

Thank you God for all that you have done in bringing us this far may my life reflect something of the love that you poured out and in us.

Thank you to all my brothers and sisters for helping us along the path I am sure that I am going to need to lean on youi just as much but I hope that you and others will feel that you can lean on me

So for the next chapter in this journey that I embarked on 15 years ago Watch this space

when you think that God has sorted you and then!!!!!

I think that i am possibly going through one of the most intently painful times that I have ever experinced and I really do not know how to get through other than cling on To God.

There are issues that I guess I have allowed God into on one level but God wants to get a bit deeper on these issues.
Last night we had our sunday evening meeting I knew that I was going to be challenged.. I was thinking of ways of not going at all but they were all emty excuces none that wanrrented asking my shepherd for time at home....
I just wanted to get in thecar and drive forever.
So I decided that i could escape into my role as a welcomer... couldn't I.... God had other ideas I thinnk that it was the quietest sunday nights I had ever known at Cov.....
Simon played this dvd called Lump
It was agony and I was to rip his head off...... ( I love him and respect him really)
I knew that I had to respond but I did not know how or what would happen so I sat on the floor and cried and cried and God pinned me to that floor coz everything in me was screaming to run.
But I could not speak about the pain All I could do is look for God and speak his name just as i thought that it was easing Simon started to speak of his dad not I did have murderous thoughts toward my brother....... I was hit with another wave of intense pain but it was so intense I had to block it I could not bear it any longer so the door is shut once more and hte padlock firmly rusted over.
Time to focus on the fact that this is the week that I move style 3 all the adresses have been changed and the bank account is being closed I am sure that is enough to be dealing with not stuff that happened years ago isn't it?????

there's still God

Hi Folks
Well we have been living the dream now full time for 4 months
Is it all I dremt about? Yes and more
Life in community is not easy but ahhh it is so beautiful
but I have cried more in the last month or so than I have in long time there have been times when I wonder if I am heading for another break down but when I reach the end of my self I look and there is still God looking at me and reaching and longing for me to cry out I canot do this .....
I am sooooo glad that I can not do this with out the Father
I am glad that God has made it impossible to do community with out him
I am about 10 days away now from going style 3 that is when I pool all my resources and live as one relying on my brethren and them on me and together on God
I know that there will be times that i will react as money has and can still be a strong hold in my life. I have been preparing for this for a few months by being completely accountable on the money front and I ahve to say that it has been many other issues that have brought me down Gods grace floows often to what we see as the lesser issues but God knows best and he has stepped in so much when I have been weak and can do no more and it is beautiful

the cross

what about when whatyou thyink is asked of you is beyond you
How can I be sure what He is asking of me is the right path
What if i fail
I do not know if i am strong enough
How can I be sure Pray for me please
I do not know
I am not sure
All I know is that I am in agony
And I want to know My God more
update
God has been so precious I have been thorough a time of breaking still am but he is walking with me and gathering me together to be the daughter/woman that he has called me to be I know that at this point in my life I do not need to make any discissions I can just learn to be me to embrace celibacy would destroy all that is going on right now
I do not need to fit in to any box right now I can just be in God and enjoy the adventure of finding Dee and allowing God to heal and restore