unexpected

The last couple of weeks have been and amazing time in our church and in my life personally I have meet with God in a new way and a powerful way.
In him I have found a confidence and a need of him that I have never experinced.. but how I need more. I realised that I am only scratching the surface.
We never know how much time we have here to make a difference, to guide others to the ultimate love and peace that is for eternity.
today is a sad day we heard that a dear brother went to glory last night and we ache for those that are left behind but there is also a joy knowing that he is safe in the arms of his Father.
also I had news that a dear friend who has been a mum to me for many years is deteriating fast she has lukemia and has had her 2nd course of chemo but has had a fall this week and has picked up a few nasty infections and being the selfish person that I am I want God to take her into his arms and receive her home.
she has and continues to be an inspiration of grace and corage and I love her dearly but can not bring myself to visit her.
She has held me so many times while I broke my heart she watch as life broke me as poor mental health stole years from me and my family praying and supporting me.
She has rejoiced in watching God restore and rebuild me
But I can not bring myself to visit her I use every excuse there is going I love her so much but I know that I will just crumble if I go visit her and I do not want to do that so I love her at a distace someting she never did with me
Please do not judge me or condem me as I do that for myself
so why this post
I am just aware that Gods peace is often hidden in circumstances and we look at what we are going through and that is often what drives us but i know that when we say God this hurts so much them and only then can he come with wisdom and hold us and pour soothing oil on opur pain and take us on to the next level of trust in him
And as selfish as I am I know that God will hold me and teach me through this
if you read this and have a spare moment please pray for my friend she is a very special Lady and one that has lead many folks in to the loving arms of the father he mortal body may be weak but her spirit is strong
God bless you my friend