accountable freedom

I know that I have just posted but I have something else that I wanted to share with you folks that are bored enough to read my ramblings
if you know me you will know that I love clothes I like to spend money well you are wrong
I was caught in this endless cycle of guity enery sapping nothingness
I thought that if I looked the way that I thought that people thought that I should then it woulfd be ok
the truth of the matter is I was in this cycle of having too much choice and too much resources to expand the choices in my life and it sent me into a massive panic all of the time and you know when you are driving and someone keeps their lights on beam you panic coz you can not see well that was me and money and pocessions and I was screaming turn off the lights so that i could see
I did not want to be bamboozled by teh bright city lights but I was so dazzled that i could not step out of the headlights
well now I have been rescued and life is so much easier
I look balkc to the begining to the summer when I moved into promise I was in this constant panic all of the time to teh extend that i was so unsure of my self that i would ahve to change my clothes many times before I could even come out of my room in the morning I was in such a desperate stress an th more i was in this stress the more I had to spend and the bigger the choice got and th worse it got
any wya I was able to come clean about ti with a dear friend and now I do not hold my finacees
and i discuss what I need to do and the bills that i need to pay and to be honest it is really like dropping the mill stone that was dragging me down and it is beutiful and lovely and I am so much more free in my life space and head capacity to get on with the things tht matter that is building zion
I love the life that i am living and i would not have it any other way