healing comes in different shades

Some will know that I have a bit of a problem with my ears at the moment... they are being a bit lazy at the moment...
Any way Just over a week ago Stu prayed... he carries a real annoiting when praying for healing.
I went to bed convinced that i was going to wake up and have fully restored hearing... Well I never.
It was like jumping down in to a well with a mill stone tied around my neck, But I knew that it was not part of Gods plan for me to be sick so I held on and so did my dear brethren that I live with... we have all had to do some adjusting ove this week.
On friday we had 24/1 worship at the coventry jesus centre .
I arrived half way through the first session and I could not hear all of what was being said so I began to feel resnt full, and then the next session was even worse and I though what is the point I can not engage I am just wasted my time I was so in my flesh by now.... I went home much earlier than planned knowing that i was missing out on something precious from God but did I care...... of course I did.
I went back down mid morning and sat at the back anger and pride buring deep in my heart one brother tried to draw me in I was not going to give in that is for sure I had ever right to wallow in my self pity and pride didn't I???????
Eventually I allowed a small chink in my armour to show and God in his Love brought the right person along to administer healing love, And I cried and cried and just to be different cried some more.
THen I got over my self and joined in and over lunch shared my heart with a very precious friend and got stuck in to lifting my vision back on to jesus and off me.
then on sunday evening stu prayed again still no improvement in the physical symptoms but there has been a hugh heart change I realised that as I was sharing with some one over supper last night that things had changed min my heart that is why i say that healing comes in shades
I really beleive that this is a time of obedience and acting on what God asks
I know that I have to say to God here I am take me as I am and walking in that level of acceptance is something new moving in a knoweldge that I am a daughter of the most high God father of all man kind king of all kings and LORD of all lords and that no matter how blemished I am I am still accepted by him through his eath on the cross
it is about me dying and saying Yes God use me
it is about me relaising that there are folks much more damaged by life the world and the devil than me and it is about me raising my vision and saying Lord life is not about me it is about you
it is anot about my pride or how I will or won't look after all if that was a prioity then He woud not have gone to the cross
It is about praising him in all circumstances not just the comfort zone
and so Yes I know that God is healing me and I knwo that I will one day sit here and type an post tosay that I have full restored hearing not becasue it suits me but becasue it will bring Glory to God's Kingdom