to an exentent this picture is how I feel at the moment. I do hope that this does not sound proud it is not ment too I just wanted to shout a little about God.If I look at things through my natural eyes I have a lot to be concerned and distressed about but I am holding on in faith.
I have natural and spiritual sons/daughters that are away from the ranch at the moment some through their own choice some through disapline and it is hard to reach them but I know that God can do all thinigs and the faith that I hold on to is like fresh water coming out from the bedrock that is My God.
time for a little update I think.
A few of my entries I have said about some struggles
well as breifly as I can here is an update
last week I cloed ban accounts and handed over the keys to what was home. I needed to greive sounds mad but not My spirit was soaring in the heavenlies I needed to switch my dependance from independance to dependance on God and my brethren I am learning to do that and in realising the level of my security is so much deeper than ever and now there is space in my soul to release some of the stuff out of the locked drawers that represented pain/damage from the past. sometimes I do not even realise what eh struggle is untill I have vocalised and I am blessed to have an awesome shepherd and caring sister who are helping me to pin point and deal thanks guys love you loads.
One thing that is so clear to me is that I am not called into celibacy. I know that my minstry is to to be a wife and mother. and knowing that for me has ended many years of struggling and soul searching 11 yrs infact.
And now I have to wait on the Lord for him to bring me the right man that can take authority and lead me and love me. someone that I can share My life and goals for the kingdom someone that I can build with and bring glory to God with. This is a testimony to Gods healing and grace in my life and It is only in God as a healed woman that I could and can embrace this new dierectin in life.
So I do not know what 2007 has in store I just know that God is going to do amazing thing in me and through me and as I move in secuity I know that I can give out and build and see zion build
I am living for something that is going to last for eternity and I would not ahve it any other way.
tears laughter and all
2 comments:
I like the fact that the closing of your bank account meant you needed to grieve and yet at the same time your spirit was soaring. A beautiful example of the cross in action. The death and the resurrection working together. Exciting stuff!
Go girl!
I remember thefeeling well. I went into the bank & handed my credit cards over telling the bank clerk that I wouldn't be needing them anymore. I remember her trying to work out what to write on the form when I told her I was moving into Christian community & wouldn't have my own bank account! I felt a weight lift off me, whilst at the same time being aware it was death to an area of my independence.
If its any consollation thirteen years later I don't regret chopping up my credit cards or closing down my bank account and though at time living with people and the pain of relationships, disappointments and betrayal I really wouldn't be doing anything else with my life.
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